


Six Years ~TsukiYama

by Nickoliz_B1



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depressed Yamaguchi Tadashi, Goodbyes, M/M, Mentioned Kuroo Tetsurou, One-Sided Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26028028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nickoliz_B1/pseuds/Nickoliz_B1
Summary: Tsukishima was given a letter 6 years ago.He never opened it.He couldn't.But today, after these long 6 years, he can.He can finally hear the last words of Yamaguchi Tadashi.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 151





	Six Years ~TsukiYama

I heard about it on the news that day. I didn’t think it was real. Until I got the letter. I never opened it though. I couldn’t. But I need to. It’s been 6 years and all I’ve done is stare at the letter. The letter he wrote for me and me alone. I was the only one with a letter. So why can’t I read it? 6 years and I still can’t read it. But I have to. It’s been too long. I need to open it. My finger move slowly and shakily. I rip open the top and almost drop it as I read the first few words. It’s too early. I’m not ready. But I’ve already started reading.

  
  


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> Dear Tsukki, 

If you are reading this, that mean it happened. I’m sorry. Don’t feel bad for me though. If I did this that means I needed this. I have been thinking of this for a long time. Before I should’ve even known what it was. I know you see this as a tragedy. I know this makes you sad. I want you to know something though. I’m happier now. I know you think I will regret this but I won’t. People act like this is tragic and a tragedy but when I’m alive and depressed/suicidal it’s for attention. Why is it not a joke now? Because I’m actually gone? I hope you fix that in the future. I hope you actually try to help people like me instead of making us feel worse. Instead of saying I want attention or it’s all an act or oh they probably listens to Billie Eilish. Fix that. Help us. Talk to us. Medicine isn’t the cure. Therapy helps some but not all people. You can’t save everyone but at least listen to them and try to save them. Don’t mess it up like you did me. 

I loved you, you know? You were my everything. You were my world. My universe. I don’t know how you felt about me but I know it isn’t the same as how I feel. I hope you remember me in years to come. I hope you keep this letter with you. I hope you are happy now. I know you were going to ask out Kuroo so I hope that goes well. I hope they like you back too. I hope you live a happy life with them. Just don’t forget me, okay? Tell them about me. I wish I got to know them. I wish I could’ve been there to support you. But it’s better this way. 

I didn’t tell you about my home life a lot. I would keep it a secret. We wouldn’t hang at my house or have sleepover’s there. I didn’t want you to meet my family. I didn’t want to drag you into our mess. My parents aren’t the most accepting of people like me. They don’t like it. They don’t think it’s real. They like to pretend it doesn’t exist. So to them, I don’t exist. They don’t make me dinner. They don’t help me with homework. They don’t check up on me. They even kicked me out of my own room. I sleep in the attic. My siblings feel bad but they won’t say anything. If they say something, it will happen to them too. So I’m okay with suffering for them. They don’t deserve it like I do. Some days I think my parents are right to call me a disgrace or mistake. Some days I feel like that. I didn’t feel like that with you thought. You were the one thing that made me forget. But at the end of the day, I went home to them. I lived with them. I was stuck with them. And I couldn’t change it. I had to live with it. I had to suffer it. And here we are now.

We didn’t have a lot of classes together. I’m sure you know this but I’m not really a people person. I don’t have a lot of friends. I’m either hated or loved. And it’s mostly hate. I have dealt with bullying for years. I’ve dealt with fights for years. I’ve had to defend myself so much I could probably kill someone with everything I know. The bullying hasn’t stopped in high school. It just got to a different level. I never told you but kids have threatened to rape me. I didn’t want to tell you. I was scared. So I took it. It was a low blow and I let it hit me so far down. I’m sorry I let it get to me. I wish I could stay with you. But this is better for me. To escape them. To escape my family. To escape everything. It’s a stupid way to solve your problems but right now it seems like the only way. I’m so sorry. Maybe we will meet again. I know you don’t believe stuff like that but I do. We met because of fate. Destiny. So maybe, in another life, we will meet again. Maybe I’ll be happier. Maybe you’ll be in my place. Maybe we will both be happy. Maybe we will have a happy ending. I hope we do. I would like that. I know you don’t feel the same but maybe just as friends. A happy ending where I can still be your friend. A happy ending where I can stand as your best man at the wedding. I hope so. I can’t wait. 

This is my goodbye. Goodbye for now. Goodbye forever. I love you. I love you so much. Whether it’s platonic or romantic it’s true. I love you. I can’t wait to watch you live your life. To see you grow. To see you mature. To see you become happier. I will stay with you forever. My soul is forever with you. I am always with you. So goodbye. Goodbye and may you live your best life. I will be watching over you forever. So long. 

Yamaguchi Tadashi

  
  
  
  


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There is nothing I regret more than not opening this letter the day I was given it. The day he died, I went to school thinking he was sick. I asked Kuroo out that day. I expected to see him the next day. I expected to see him again. I didn’t think that night before would be our last. And now here I am, 6 years later, finally reading his letter. I’m married now. To Kuroo. I’m decently happy. I never forgot you though. I never understood why you did it. I was mad at first. Then the sadness hit. I couldn’t read it. I was too scared. All these years I’ve been too scared. And now that I’ve read it, I’m even more scared then before. It hurts. 6 years later and it still hurts. It won’t stop hurting. I’ve moved on from his death. I told myself I was over it. So why am I hurting? Why am I in pain? Why is there a lump in my throat? Why is my heart beating so fast? Why are my eyes watering? Why? 

  
  


**Why couldn’t I have saved him?**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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